you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
