sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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