Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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