Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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