I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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