why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
