Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
