ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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