I wish I only lived at night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
