It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
