she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
