Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
