I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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