I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
