Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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