i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize