I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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