So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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