may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize