i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
