If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
