You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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