I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
