my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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