hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
