i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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