I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
