I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Two words: blizzard sex
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
