I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
