you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
