Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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