So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
