I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
