So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
