Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
