My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
