your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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