That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
