Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
