some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
