is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
