STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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