Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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