I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
