Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
