Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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