i think my tv is drunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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