I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
