I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
