How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
