and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
