I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dignity is for republicans.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just invented taco cereal.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
