official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Panties = found
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
