Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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