gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Randomize
