My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Randomize
