hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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