if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
