How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
