I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
