batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
