i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
