It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
