threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
