my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
