he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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