What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just gift wrapped bread.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
