my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize