My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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