Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize