I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.