alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
